Can You Really Have It All?

I once asked the question, “Can you really have it all?”, to two of my friends, who had clocked in more hours in motherhood than I had (I didn’t have children at the time) and they both answered, “Yes. But not all at once.”

That hit me like a ton of bricks. I filed it away for a rainy day. I didn’t understand at that time what exactly that meant but now I do.

I understand that society expects SO much; all of the things, from mothers and women in general. The expectations are so high; no wonder all of the plates collapse and shatter on themselves, plates aren’t meant to be stacked so high. The higher the stack, the harder the fall. Society’s expectations begin to morph into our own and pretty soon we are carrying loads that we were never meant to carry. Heavy, heavy loads that actually weigh us down. How many of us are carrying around loads that aren’t even ours?

Oh you know, the load of working full time either outside or inside the home, being a stay-at-home mom, providing nurturing and constant care to your children, maintaining a happy and healthy partnership (if you have one) with your partner, keeping up with the latest trends so you won’t be a “bad mom”, cooking dinner AND keeping the house clean. Here’s the kicker – you must look AMAZING while carrying this load of yours because after you do all of the things for everyone you are expected to “eat right” and workout daily. WHAT. ON. EARTH.

No, mama you’re not nutty for thinking all of that is absolutely impossible to do, at once. These unrealistic expectations are put on us by humans that don’t have to carry the load from the beginning and humans that don’t have children. A recipe for disaster. While you’re busy racking your brain about how you’re going to do it all and simply get through the day, there are more unrealistic expectations coming down the pipe. It’s never ending and it will never end. But we can place the load down and only pick up what we know we can carry. A mother is only one person and has many, many names – mama, nurse, therapist, chef, maid, doctor, teacher, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, friend, employee, chauffeur, and even more depending on the day.

What I struggle with often is which load to put down, which load to pick up, and which load to never put down. We are allowed to ask others to pick up the loads that we put down; this can be in the form of delegating tasks, asking for help, and being honest with ourselves about what we can and can’t do. Because the “all” in having it all is a silent killer that has been running rampant for centuries.

Pinpoint on YOUR definition of “all”. Not society’s, not your mother’s, not your sister’s, not your cousin’s, not your neighbor‘s and certainly not your neighbor’s sister-in-law’s best friend’s definition, YOUR definition. What does “all” in having it all, mean to you?

Once you figure that out, YOU can decide if you really can have it all…at once.