Between Who I Was and Who I’m Becoming

I’ve been thinking a lot about who I used to be.

Not in a sad way.

Not in a “I want her back” way.

Just in a quiet, noticing kind of way.

The kind where you realize you’ve changed—and you don’t fully recognize yourself, but you also don’t want to go backwards.

It’s a strange space to be in.

Not who you were…not fully who you’re becoming either.

Just… in between.

I can still see parts of my old self so clearly.

The way I moved.

The things I tolerated.

The version of me who didn’t pause as much.

She felt familiar.

But now?

She feels distant… in a “I’ve outgrown this” kind of way.

And I think that’s the uncomfortable part.

Growth doesn’t always feel exciting.

Sometimes it just feels like letting go of who you used to be—without fully knowing who you are yet.

I’ve noticed it in small ways.

The things I no longer entertain.

The way I pause before responding.

The way I’m starting to choose myself differently.

It’s subtle.

But it’s real.

There are moments where I miss the simplicity of who I used to be.

Not because she was better but because she didn’t know what I know now.

And sometimes, that felt easier.

But I can’t go backwards.

Even when this in-between space feels uncomfortable… I know I’m not meant to.

It takes work. And we can’t change other people—no matter how much we think our behavior might. People are going to do what they do. We’re the only ones we can control.

And I think that’s part of this in-between space too.

Realizing I’m not trying to go back and be who I was and I’m not waiting for anything outside of me to shift either.

I’m just… changing.

Maybe this is what becoming actually looks like.

Not a full transformation.

Just a quiet shift.

And maybe the goal isn’t to rush out of this space but to trust that even here, I’m still becoming.

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